Free webinar - Sense of Self. Why is it so important?

Have you noticed how much attention we pay to finding, to creating our Self? And how much suffering the lack of this solid sense of "I" sometimes causes in us? How much uncertainty, doubt, flowing without purpose and direction, confusion about "what am I really supposed to do in this life?"

But do we even know what this sense of self is that we so intuitively strive for? Persistently, and sometimes for reasons we do not understand.

In my practice as a psychologist, I often find that the questions below are extremely difficult for clients to answer.

• How do you recognise those moments when you are truly in touch with yourself?
• How do you recognise your true needs, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.?
• What do you think could strengthen your sense of self, to be more in touch with the core of your personality?

At the same time, I notice that the moment a person finally learns to truly recognise his sense of self, a fundamental change begins to take place within him and life begins to take on a different quality - a flow. It is as if a river, whose water has been flowing wherever it has been, has now banks.

I think the theme of a sense of self is an important stopping point for anyone who wants to create a life of awareness and fulfilment. So in this article I will briefly talk about the sense of identity or the sense of self.

The search for self

It probably comes as no surprise to most that in today's urban-technological age it is quite difficult to develop into an individual with a stable sense of self. I will not go into the reasons why in this article - I will just give this statement as a starting point for where we are as a society.

Unfortunately, this is the situation in our time, where people spend a large part of their lives (consciously or unconsciously) developing an independent sense of self. It is no coincidence that the search for self is so popular nowadays.

For much of our lives, we work to:

• free themselves from the influence of layers (e.g. parental or other authority figures, cultural societal patterns of thinking)
• strengthen an inner sense of self that is not overwhelmed or shattered by sudden changes in the environment, life circumstances and other people's opinions;
• build a strong sense of self-authority.

This work includes addressing internal issues such as:

• understanding your own needs and psychological limits;
• feelings of lack of love, fear of love, loss, giving, receiving, etc;
• recognising deep-rooted maladaptive behavioural patterns and responses and evolving them into more adaptive ones.

Becoming a stable "I"

As we gradually become aware of who and what we are, we develop into emotionally mature and spiritually mature individuals. Maturity is a continuous process that lasts a lifetime.

Maturity also involves becoming aware of one's self and stabilising one's sense of self, and I have to say that I think this is an essential step and an important milestone for a person to be able to live their life fully and feel good about it.

Therefore, the following text presents some general characteristics of a person with a stable (mature) self and a person with a complex (immature) self.

The key difference is that the actions of an emotionally mature person are authentic, independent and motivated by conscious processes. An immature self, on the other hand, is driven by unconscious processes, most likely based on childhood patterns of behaviour, reactions and actions.

Signs of a psychologically mature and immature self

A stable sense of self (from a personality psychology perspective) is indicated by seven signs. Together they make up an authentic individuality.

A person with a mature self:

• engage in meaningful life activities (e.g. work and family life)
• maintains warm relationships with others, showing tolerance, empathy, trust and sincerity;
• demonstrates self-acceptance, emotional security and the ability to regulate their emotional states;
• perceive the world realistically (rather than, for example, distorting it to suit their own desires);
• have the flexibility to deal with challenging situations
• have a healthy self-confidence and the ability to look at themselves with humour;
• has an inclusive philosophy of life, which enables you to understand and integrate your goals and values into your life.

According to personality psychologist Gordon Allport's theory of personality maturity (Alport, 1961).

A man with an immature self:

• tend to avoid taking responsibility (working independently, starting a family, being in a relationship);
• tend to be self-centred in the negative sense of the word - putting themselves first, including "at other people's expense";
• tend to react to situations in an emotionally heightened way. They are characterised by a sudden escalation of emotions and reacting as if they have been attacked;
• tend to blame others when things don't go as planned. The blame is sought outside.
• tend to be impulsive and have difficulty controlling their impulses Can be characterised by a tendency to give in to the whims of the moment (with little regard for long-term consequences);
• tend to repeat the same mistakes without learning from them;
• tend to experience difficulties in engaging in conflicts and resolving conflict situations constructively. Instead, conflicts are, for example, ignored, power is used to get one's way, etc.

The relevance of the sense of self in life

These types of signs can have a significant impact on a person's life and relationships. In many cases, people are not even aware that many of their problems are caused by these types of reactions within themselves, and that they prevent them from growing and experiencing a fulfilled life.

The good news is that these signs can be recognised and outgrown at any age. All it takes is a willingness to work with your inner processes. To a large extent, working with these signs involves stabilising one's sense of self.

I invite you to explore this topic in more depth in the workshop "Identity exploration" - one-day workshop. The workshop is held in person, on an ad hoc basis. Up-to-date dates can be followed in "Groups".