How can you calm yourself and others when emotions get the best of you?

It is clear that in the current world situation, it is sometimes difficult to keep a clear head. There seems to be plenty of information on what to do and how to do it, but structured and constructive "how to?" and "why?" messages on how to help oneself and others in this crisis, and why this can help, could be more plentiful. So here are some concrete steps to follow in case you happen to get caught in the carousel of emotions (or just to understand yourself a little better).

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Let yourself (and others) feel! Give space for all feelings, not just the "right" ones!

Faced with a sudden, traumatic event, a person can feel a wide range of emotions. Indeed, all kinds. Often it is fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, denial, anger, depression, helplessness, hopelessness, loneliness, isolation and other negative feelings.

However, a person may also react to a traumatic event in other ways, such as suddenly feeling absolutely nothing, or feeling complete inner peace, or even love for society and the world, or a desire to laugh at the tragic nature of the situation (humour as a defensive response). This is also normal.

Whatever feelings arise, allow yourself and others to feel exactly what arises - don't analyse! Similarly, don't blame yourself if you don't feel what you "should", and don't blame others if they don't feel the way you do. For example, at the moment many people might think that the whole of society should feel anxious and want to save the day (which is not always productive). However, do not look for fear and anxiety in yourself if you do not have it! On the contrary, appreciate that you can think clearly in a crisis! This is a resource that can help not only yourself, but also others.

The human psyche is a clever mechanism, and each person is "programmed" slightly differently. Each of us protects ourselves from danger and threat in a different way, which subordinates different reactions - both emotional and behavioural. The "red flag" should only be raised when these emotional reactions and behaviours start to become harmful to oneself or others (e.g. by acting aggressively towards another, or self-destructively towards oneself).

Find someone to share your feelings with! Listen to how others feel (if you can)!

Talking about events and how they make you feel helps you to react to tension - to "zone out". If you are caught in a roller-coaster of emotions, find someone who can listen (not lecture, advise or comfort, but just listen). But if someone wants to talk to you, remember that they don't need your comments, your perspective or your assessment of the situation - they just need to talk about what is going on inside them.

Listening to the other person, taking what they say seriously, but not reacting (not making the situation more dramatic)!

The best thing we can do for each other is just to be there. Really. Deeply. Present. With open eyes and ears. Everything. Sometimes it is not even necessary to speak. Presence is enough.

The second best thing we can do is not to deny another person's feelings. For example, by saying things like "everything will be fine", "let's hope for the best", "stop being angry", "come on", "we're fine here". These phrases do not help. The opposite helps - accepting the feelings and letting them be. Sometimes simply putting feelings into words, such as "you are angry", "you are scared", "it hurts you a lot", is helpful. Point, no rating. If you need to be angry, be angry. If we need to cry, we cry. Sincerely and without hurting ourselves or each other.

Yes, sometimes it's hard to bear another person's feelings - that's normal too. If you find yourself in a situation where what another person says or emotes makes you feel annoyed, angry, uncomfortable or otherwise uncomfortable, ask them to find someone else who can help. You don't always have to help all people in all situations. Be honest with others and take care of yourself first!

Emotional upsets pass after a while

No matter how dramatic the situation, when feelings are felt, expressed, reacted to, their intensity diminishes (and judgement is restored). It is important to notice this moment (one must be careful not to get caught up in emotions and go round in circles). It is good to know that at some point, emotionalising becomes counterproductive and the psyche is ready to shift towards finding solutions.

Finding solutions

Once the acute emotions have been dealt with, it's valuable to switch to a more rational approach. For example, to understand concrete steps, concrete actions that could be taken to mitigate the impact of a situation or to exit from it.

For example:

• if a crisis situation interferes with your work, a list of things to do (or not to do) can be made so that your attention and concentration are less disturbed;
• if the crisis situation raises concerns about the family's ability to survive and adapt to the new circumstances, a list of things to do can be drawn up to increase survival and adaptability;
• If you are convinced that there is no need to help the victims of the crisis, you can draw up a list of concrete steps that could be taken to help.

Putting action strategies into practice

Of course, it is also desirable to put the solutions found into practice by implementing them. Doing what is planned not only solves the situation, but also strengthens one's inner confidence in one's ability to cope with life's complexities and difficult moments (which in turn makes it less likely to fall into other emotional roller-coasters of crisis).

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