What causes inner tension about not achieving enough in life and not meeting social expectations?

What causes inner tension about not achieving enough in life and not meeting social expectations? A fundamental aspect of a person's internal tension is how he perceives himself.

• How people perceive themselves in the context of their social environment (sense of identity).
• How people perceive themselves on an individual level (Sense of "I"). 

One feels comfortable and at ease in one's life (with relatively little or no internal tension) when one's sense of identity and sense of self are in harmony with each other. However, this seems to be the experience of a minority of people today.

If identity or sense of self (or both) are disturbed, incomplete, dysfunctional, the person is unable to maintain a coherent sense of self, which hinders his ability to fully realise himself in the world (Hammell, 2006).

Find out how the imbalance between identity and sense of self feels in all its different variations in the video and read below!

If you recognise yourself in this entry, I invite you to join "A course to stabilise identity and sense of self".
In it, I give practical tools for balancing identities and the sense of self.
The course programme includes four online group meetings (1.5 h each, recordings available afterwards). In addition to the classes, I am available for questions in the group chat.
Find out the next dates for the programme, by following this link!

Clear identity, clear sense of self

Self-confidence, both internally and in social contexts.

Signs of an internal condition:

• an inner sense of balance, harmony and stability
• adequate self-esteem and self-respect
• belief in yourself, your ability to achieve what you set out to do, self-efficacy;
• the willingness and ability to work within a social context;
• the ability to accept and deal with life's complexities and challenges
• the ability to make decisions that are appropriate to the situation

"I know who and what I am, and I realise myself in this world according to my authentic sense of self."

Clear identity, vague sense of self

Self-confidence when out in public (e.g. at work). Feeling insecure when alone.

Signs of an internal condition:

• feeling that I am living for others and not for myself, prioritising other people's needs and desires over my own;
• striving for external approval, recognition, externally positive achievements (social desirability);
• the ability to achieve someone else's goals (e.g. a company's) difficulties in achieving personal goals;
• ability to communicate and disseminate knowledge, difficulty expressing themselves on topics of personal importance;
• high or adequate social esteem, low self-esteem or taking your positive qualities for granted;
• the feelings of a villain (imposter syndrome).

"In my life, everything seems to be fine, but something is wrong."
"Others think more highly of me than I do of myself. I don't understand what others see in me."

Unclear identity, clear sense of self

A sense of confidence in oneself, internally, "in front of oneself". Feeling insecure about oneself in public.

Signs of an internal condition:

• a general sense of inner comfort that is disrupted by contact with other people;
• Confidence in your own strengths and abilities, but uncertainty about how to realise your potential in the outside world;
• the desire to express one's true nature, but the difficulty of finding a way to do so within the existing social system, within the existing circle of peers;
• an inner confidence in my understanding of the world, but a sense that the system is against me, limiting me.

"I am comfortable and at peace with myself, but I am afraid that if I start showing others who I really am, I will be pushed away, not accepted, rejected and left alone."

Unclear identity, no sense of "I"

Lack of confidence in oneself, in one's abilities, both internally and in one's ability to fulfil oneself in society.

Signs of an internal condition:

• feelings of inferiority and self-doubt
• a sense of hopelessness, of purposelessness;
• Submission to the flow of external circumstances, passivity and suffering that hinders growth;
• no clear answers to the questions "who am I?" and "how do I live my life?"
• yearning, longing for change, but not understanding how to make change yourself, fear of making change yourself.

"I don't understand what I am supposed to do here. What is all this for? Life has no meaning."

If you recognise yourself in this entry, I invite you to join "A course to stabilise identity and sense of self".
In it, I give practical tools for balancing identities and the sense of self.
The course programme includes four online group meetings (1.5 h each, recordings available afterwards). In addition to the classes, I am available for questions in the group chat.
Find out the next dates for the programme, by following this link!

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