"Becoming an adult" is not about reaching a certain age, but about moving on to ever higher stages of consciousness. It means developing an independent sense of self and acquiring the characteristics of wisdom and social maturity; becoming more aware, more responsible, more able to manage one's own behaviour; becoming more aware of and better able to manage relationships with other people and the social circumstances that affect everyone.
However, estimates from various sources suggest that most people (around 65%) never become well-functioning adults. Most people remain at a developmental level that lacks a clear, stable sense of self (a sense of identity and self) - a pattern of thinking in which much of what a person thinks, believes and feels depends on what he thinks about how he is experienced by others.
The five levels of consciousness described by Robert Kegan
One of the authors who has spoken about human growth is the American developmental psychologist Robert Kegan (Robert Kegan).
His theory suggests that a person moves through five ways of knowing the world in his lifetime - progressively more complex. As a person grows and consciousness reaches a higher and higher level of maturity, a qualitative change occurs in each person in the way he or she learns, functions, thinks and processes information.
Each of these stages is briefly described below. Estimates are also given of the approximate number of people at each stage. Admittedly, I am sceptical about these figures myself - they are most likely a subjective guess rather than statistical data. However, I think that the situation is fairly well represented by these figures, so I point out.
Stage 1 - impulsive mind (impulsive mind) (early childhood)
the most important thing is to fit in, to "belong";
Acting mainly on instinct - immediate needs, without much thought or planning;
focusing on immediate gratification or overcoming difficulties, rather than on long-term goals or plans;
Difficulties in understanding the long-term consequences of your actions, making ill-considered decisions;
limited self-control, difficulty managing emotions and behaviour;
there is no clear goal and direction for personal or professional development.
The second stage - the imperial mind (imperial mind) (adolescence, 6% adult)
the most important thing is to fulfil personal interests and needs;
the relationship is transactional;
the other is seen as a means to satisfy one's own needs rather than to share a common experience;
following rules, belonging to social groups and movements for external rewards or fear of punishment (rather than genuine belief, personal values and consent);
increased concern about "how others perceive me" (a perception held for fear of the consequences of not responding). For example, friends do not lie to each other because they fear retaliation, not because they value honesty and transparency in relationships.
Stage 3 - the socialised mind (socialised mind) (adult years, 58% adult)
the most important thing is conformity to the ideas, norms and beliefs of the people and systems (family, society, ideology, culture, etc.) around you;
thoughts, beliefs, morals (what a person believes to be true) are derived from external sources;
taking too much responsibility for "how others experience me". As a result, a lot of energy is spent avoiding hurting other people's feelings;
seeking external validation to confirm self-worth;
lacking independent thinking and personal opinions
inherent concern for others and for relationships with others.
Stage 4 - the mind of self-authority (self-authoring mind) (adult years, 35 % adult)
have a clear sense of self and understand "I am me and others are others";
inherent understanding that everyone is a human being with their own thoughts, feelings and beliefs, which can be independent of their environment and the standards it sets. There is the ability to distinguish one's own opinions from those of others, and the ability to formulate one's own judgements. To some extent, one is preoccupied with who one is and what one stands for;
develops a sense of inner direction, the ability to create and follow one's own course in life;
the ability to explore thoughts and feelings, and to form one's own "voice of authority" as a result of that exploration;
Ability to question expectations and values, take a stand, set boundaries, solve problems;
the ability to take responsibility for your inner states and emotions
the ability to make sense of the world in a way that is not unduly influenced by the context in which one finds oneself.
Stage 5 - the self-transforming mind (self-transforming mind) (adult years, 1% adult)
the sense of self is no longer tied to certain identities or roles, but is independently created through the exploration of different roles, honed through interaction with others;
is the realisation that human beings are changeable beings and that there is always the possibility of redefining ourselves,
is the ability to question authority and to question oneself;
has the ability to see life's complexities and to reinvent itself. There is an understanding that as life circumstances change, identity must change with it;
the ability to understand things from different perspectives and to hold multiple ideologies simultaneously;
The "I" that is fluid and ever-changing.
What to do with this info?
I said - to see that there is room for growth. ...and let the next step come.
Ps. When I talk about the maturity of identity and sense of self in my lectures and social media posts, I am talking about the growth from Kegan stage 3 to stage 4. When I talk about the maturity of identity and sense of self in the context of spiritual growth, I am talking about the transformation of human consciousness from Kegan's Stage 4 to Stage 5.
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